What can I do to save my job?
- Whenever you are in the break room, always hold 2 cups of coffee. This way even though you are on break, it looks like you are doing something for the boss.
- While moving from Location A to Location B, carry a few sheets of paper with you. Put a pencil behind the ear and a white board marker in the other hand to add a sense of invincibility.
- Tell your boss you need dual monitors so that you can be more productive. Then use the new 2nd monitor for Facebook. This way you can still work while you share with all your friends what you are actually doing while at work.
- Post your co-workers information on Craigslist with "Looking for Work" and share this link with your boss. This way if your boss was having a hard time deciding who to let go, then you just made their job much easier.
- Never have a clean desk. Keep reports and open binders on your desk with sticky notes all over the place. Make it look like a war zone if you have to.
I am the boss at my job, what can I do?
- Wait until after lunch to give the work that must be done before End of Day. This will give your employees the adrenalin rush they need to get through the rest of the day.
- When your team does a great job on a project, reward them with donuts. That way they can't complain that they are not rewarded for all of their hard work and extra hours.
- Keep your employees on their toes by giving everyone more than one job and confusing them on the priorities.
- Do not discuss personal items with your employees as this gives them the false sense of hope that you really care. When you run into them in the restrooms, come up with some work for them to do.
- Whenever your employees want to get in touch with you, avoid them. By forcing them to make their own decisions, you can’t be blamed when things go wrong.
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